I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
