so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
