Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pants are for mortals
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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