Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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