so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
