i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
