I just pynch a tree in the face
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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