i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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