Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
