my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
