Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
