Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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