Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
