Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
