i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
