it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
