I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
