so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
