he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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