I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
