Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am one with the molecules
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
