note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
