adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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