We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my being single is dangerous.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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