dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
