You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
