The maid of honor just puked.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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