i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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