I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
