i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
