I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
