We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
