ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
