i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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