3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
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