my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
