don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
