spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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