just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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