You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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