he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
