yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
