I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize