Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
