At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
3 2 1 whiskey
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
