May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
