tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
