Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
