sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
