I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please come you make the beer taste better
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
