Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
