it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
