Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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