i don't like sucking hair
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
