remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
