That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
