wanna go halves on a baby?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My life is pants optional.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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