I think I won the penis lottery.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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