You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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