I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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