I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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