First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
