I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
