He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
