I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
