I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
