Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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