I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
