hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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