"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
