wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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