Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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