Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
