Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
