life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
