well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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