naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
